If you’re a student, in a relationship, drive a car, have a job, or
have kids, then you know stress.
For many of us, stress (minor or major) seems to be a normal part of
our daily lives. Whether you’re running late to work, stuck in rush hour
traffic, trying to cook dinner but the kids are acting up, your spouse is in a
bad mood because of their day at work, the house is a mess and there’s no time
to clean it, your in-laws are coming to visit, you had to pull money out of
savings to pay for unexpected car repair… the list goes on, doesn’t it? These
may be circumstances that cause us to feel stress, but I’m going to dig a
little deeper and discuss some of the main factors that contribute to why we
feel stressed.... All. The. Time.
First, I want to "stress" that having some stress is not a bad thing! Stress reveals that we
care and don't want to screw up. It helps us to get things done and not
procrastinate. It pushes us to work harder and motivates us to complete our
goal. Stress can be a good thing, but too much of it is unhealthy.
After conducting research, listening to various podcasts, observing
human behavior, and reflecting on my personal experiences, I have discovered a
few theories of why we live in stress:
1)
The "American Way" constantly
strives for “faster,” “easier,” and “more convenient.”
Just when we thought that no technological device, food or shopping service could get any faster, easier, or more convenient…it does. Just when we thought our phone couldn't get any "smarter"…it did. While advances in technology and system processes are typically designed to make our lives easier and more enjoyable, the repercussions are that we have learned to expect most things to be fast-and-furious and provide instant solutions, but stress occurs when they don’t meet our expectations.
We used to be content with dial up, but now get frustrated if a
website takes more than a few seconds to load. Research and customer behavior
trends show our attention spans are getting shorter and our expectations for
“fast, easy and convenient” are getting higher. Just look at digital analytics –
data shows continued increase of bounce rates, shorter time spent watching
videos, and shorter time reading blogs or websites. No filler, no fluff, no
enjoying the scenery, no reading for pleasure. We don’t “read” anymore - we
browse and skim to find the info we are looking for in that moment. We want
instant gratification. We want what we want, and we want it now.
It's no wonder why our parents and grandparents say, "Back
in my day, we didn't have ___. Instead, we had to ____." They lived in a time where most things took
time, patience, and hard work. Most things they had were not instant or
convenient. Can you truly imagine life without the internet or modern technology?
Today’s society constantly pushes for everything becoming easier, faster, more convenient (including “instant” and "to-go"), and it has drastically affected our lives. From faster speed limits and paying for express lanes/tolls, to the almost exclusive use of credit cards for payment, to everything being accessible online and through our phones, to having orders shipped to our door in 2 days, to cooking a family meal in 5 minutes, to faster this, to more convenient that.... it causes us to feel like we're always in a rush. Trying to keep up with the fast-paced environment and/or expecting things to be fast has caused us to live a stress-centered life.
2)
Push for constant improvement.
Because we live in the "digital age" and rely on technology in our daily lives, we are exposed to all that comes with the online world. We will be exposed to thousands of articles, blogs, and social media posts throughout our lifetime. And most of them seem to be about improving.
10 Exercises to Get Sexy Abs
25 Ways to Be More Productive
5 Beauty Secrets To Become Flawless
20 Power Foods That Will Shed Pounds
The Best Wrinkle-Free Cream On The Market
Books That Will Make You Smarter
How To Become A Powerful Speaker
Habits Of Wealthy People
How To Be Successful In Everything You Do
How To Be A Cool Mom
and even, How to Live A Stress-Free Life
We are constantly told how we can become better, faster, prettier, smarter, skinnier, richer, more popular, more successful, more fit, less stressed, less sad, less bored, etc. We see other people posting about their “perfect” lives and sharing all the fun, exciting things happening. We compare ourselves with unrealistic or surface-level perfections we see and read about online.
This is a stress that we have sitting on our shoulders every day,
even if it’s subconscious. We feel like we always need to improve ourselves -
but not just in some areas of our life. We feel like we need to improve every area of
our lives and become... well... perfect. And knowing that we will
never reach perfection causes more stress because we aren’t getting what we
want or feel like a failure for not achieving these things.
3) High expectations on relationships, friendships, and ourselves.
In lieu of constant desire for improvement through the things we see or read online, we also tend to set high expectations on many people and things. We tend to set the highest expectations for those we care about the most – including ourselves and our spouse / partner.
Some say it's the result of Disney movies growing up, or the
continual outsourcing of unrealistic movies out there based on relationships,
romance, and finding the "perfect one."
Some say it's due to the unrealistic bodies that are photoshopped in
media of what the "perfect" body should look like.
Media and advertisements are always trying to shape the way our
minds process "how things should be" - photoshopped models, promises
to deliver satisfaction and happiness, why you can’t live without X product in
your life, reporting on biased information and facts that skew the reader’s
view, etc.
Social media is a platform that allows people to showcase a
surface-level view of their “perfect” lives and upload photos with filters that
remove flaws and enhance features.
But regardless of the extent our expectations, stress comes at a
100% guarantee when our expectations are unmet. We tend to set the highest
expectations on people, but that can cause the most stress because we're all human,
imperfect, flawed, and will always make mistakes. Setting high standards and
unrealistic expectations for people is a lose-lose situation – you are setting
them up for failure and setting yourself up for unnecessary stress.
4) Caffeine.
Did your heart just sink a bit? Many love caffeine, and some can't live without it. But not only do scientific studies show that caffeine increases stress, I've proved it to be true through my personal experience.
I completed a one-month "caffeine-free challenge" just
to see if I could do it and how it would affect me.
My results: As impossible as it seemed to do a caffeine fast and
never thought I could have "too much coffee," I was able to
accomplish the one-month challenge. The first week was the hardest - headaches
left and right, more tired at work, unable to concentrate, and wanting to go to
bed at 8pm every night. But after the first week, I surprisingly started to
need it less and less. Sooner than later, I didn't need it at all (even during
the slow afternoons at the office). Now I am completely able to get through the
day with more natural energy than I did
with coffee every day. And not to mention, I was also able to stay up later
at night without getting tired. It was an amazing experience and I have continued
to try to limit my daily caffeine intake even after the trial was completed.
5)
Bad spending habits.
The "American Way" doesn’t value saving money – it says
you should spend it. Spending our money on things that we don't need is why most
Americans have financial stress. Saying, “If only I made more money, I wouldn’t
be stressed,” is an illusion and a myth. Money does not make people happier or
less stressed. Did you know most lottery winners declare bankruptcy within 3-5
years of winning? Celebrities and multi-millionaires struggle with depression
and tons of non-financial related stress? The problem isn’t that we don’t make
enough money. The problem is that we don't know how to save. We don't know how
to invest or save for our future well-being. We don't know how to be smart
about our spending habits and learn to budget. Plainly, we just don't know how
to handle money because we are told every day that we need to spend it through
constant ads of things we should buy, wanting to fit in with peers, chasing the
“American Dream,” having a social life, staying out of boredom, choosing
convenience shopping and eating, etc. There are so many things to spend money
on.
Hence, financial stress.
Over 25% of Americans don’t have any money in their savings. Over
24% are not saving for retirement and most Americans only have $35k saved for
retirement. Did you know you need a minimum of
$1M (one million dollars) to be able to retire at 65 and not have to
work again? That’s the MINIMUM. $35,000 aint cuttin' it. You might as well
work the rest of your life.
If you don't learn to handle your money wisely, you'll be broke or
in debt your whole life, living paycheck to paycheck, will always be in
financial stress, and will never retire.
It’s important to take necessary steps to budgeting, relieving
yourself from financial stress or debt, and planning for the future. If you
spend money like you’re living the “YOLO” motto, you’ll most likely be living your
life in complete financial stress. As Dave Ramsey says, “Live like nobody else
now, so you can live like nobody else later.” All your friends might be
spending their money frivolously on the latest tech toys, nice cars, going to
bars and restaurants often, going on extravagant trips, etc. But if you
discipline yourself to save up enough money in your savings, save 3-4 months of
income and expenses in an emergency fund (in case you lose your job), start
saving for retirement, and pay off your debt, your life will look much
differently than your friends later in life. Save your money and be frugal now.
It will “pay off” in the long run when you are able to live debt free, take
nice vacations, and able to retire at a decent age and enjoy life with your
loved ones.
Life can be stressful - in our jobs, relationships, families,
activities, responsibilities, and commutes. Even if we lived on a relaxing
beach in the Caribbean, we would still deal with stress in many forms (natural
disasters, bad weather, running out of money, losing a job, high prices,
damaged home, poverty-stricken areas, crime, etc). Stress is almost inevitable.
But recognizing the sources of your stress is the first step to recovery and
maintaining stress levels – “Hi, I’m Courtney and I struggle with stress.”