We've all come across it - that moment when you attend a bridal shower or wedding and they ask you to write down marriage advice for the newlyweds (or soon to be).
But for those who aren't married and not even in a serious relationship, providing love advice can be pretty intimidating. Heck, it's even intimidating for those who are married!
What is the best advice?
What experience or knowledge do I have that could be practical for this unique couple?
Good news - I'm about to give you sound advice you can steal (permission granted) for newlyweds that they'll appreciate and benefit from. And if nothing else, you can refer to this advice for your own marriage to keep it a priority. (Speaking to myself, too).
Note: The following is marriage advice I have been given by others that I have not only seen its importance and benefit in my own marriage, but also played out in other successful marriages (even up to 50 years). It's is tried and true advice from couples of all walks of life that are still living enjoying happy, successful marriages. Also worth noting, most of these tips are applicable to all couples, but some are specific to Christian couples.
Note: The following is marriage advice I have been given by others that I have not only seen its importance and benefit in my own marriage, but also played out in other successful marriages (even up to 50 years). It's is tried and true advice from couples of all walks of life that are still living enjoying happy, successful marriages. Also worth noting, most of these tips are applicable to all couples, but some are specific to Christian couples.
Best Advice for Newlywed Couples
1. Keep it fun and interesting.
You don't have to travel to extravagant places or go skydiving to keep your marriage fun. Little things can easily add just as much interest and excitement to a relationship.
Take a walk around the neighborhood instead of watching TV after dinner. Take your dinner to a park or your backyard for a picnic. Get in the car and explore new areas of town you haven't been to. Build a fort in your living room to play a board game. Wash the car by hand together in your swimsuits. Whatever you do (big or small), think of it as "dating your spouse" - we will discuss this more in detail later.
Having new experiences you share together and doing something different to break away from the daily routine is important and creates memories that can last a lifetime. They boost stamina, mood, energy, flirtation and intimacy. These are small things that make your spouse your "best friend" and someone you enjoy doing life with.
However, there's no pressure to keep things fun and interesting all the time. In fact, routine is a good, natural thing for human flourishing. Just make it a point to do something unique together every once in awhile - but don't overdo it or it can take away from the newfound excitement of each new activity. Every other week or even once a month is a good starting point.
2. Have sex often, even when you're not in "the mood."
Let's be honest. Your spouse can really get on your nerves, make you angry at times, and do things that just straight up turn you off. But the reality is, even when you don't feel like it, sex is SUPER important in a marriage. Not having sex often doesn't mean you have a bad marriage, but a great marriage includes having sex often.
Sex provides a reconnection, body and soul, with your spouse. Regardless of what you believe, God specifically designed sex to be between husband and wife for the fullness of intimacy and connection. It is God's gift to us. When you have sex with someone, they will always have a part of you that you can't take back and it can have lasting effects on one's emotional health (good or bad). It was designed to be a permanent union. That's why sex outside of marriage can come with its own complications (and consequences).
However, in the confines of marriage, sex is of upmost importance. It's not just meant for making babies - it provides an intimate, one-of-a-kind, deeper connection with your spouse that can strengthen your foundation. It's essential to building and maintaining your relationship and should be viewed as a priority.
However, in the confines of marriage, sex is of upmost importance. It's not just meant for making babies - it provides an intimate, one-of-a-kind, deeper connection with your spouse that can strengthen your foundation. It's essential to building and maintaining your relationship and should be viewed as a priority.
Don't be afraid to spice it up and keep things interesting in the bedroom. You can (and should) be vulnerable sexually with your spouse because it represents optimal trust with them that positively impacts intimacy and passion. You don't need to impress your spouse, but because you love them and want them to have sexual satisfaction with you and you alone, it should be important for you to desire to sexiness and keeping things exciting in bed. Again, keeping things interesting in the bedroom doesn't need to be all the time - just surprise your spouse with romantic, sexy moments every once in awhile.
And remember, sex won't always be "hot" or passionate. Don't put the pressure on yourself or your spouse of needing to be sexy all the time, or that sex should always be super enjoyable. Sometimes it's just necessary. But keeping it a regular routine (even when you're not in the mood) will have lasting, positive effects on your marriage.
If you have a super busy life and juggling multiple young children, you can schedule your sex! That may sound weird at first but that's how much of a priority this is to your marriage. If you have to schedule your sexy-time during your weekly date night, do that. Whatever works best for your marriage and your schedule, make it a priority.
As I mentioned earlier, it's important to continue dating your spouse. You shouldn't stop "dating" each other just because you got married.
If you don't have children yet, establish healthy marriage habits early on so it's easier to keep those habits once you decide to build your family. If you already have children, set aside one evening each week (even if it's just an hour) to spend quality time focusing on each other.
The first thing you need to do is determine how much time you can set aside for a "date" each week. Then schedule it (yes, actually put it in your calendar!) and make it a priority to keep it in your weekly routine. Biweekly date nights are good too if your lives and jobs are super busy. If something important comes up on a date night, reschedule it for later that week. Just don't skip it, if possible!
Date nights (or days) can look different for every couple. It can be sitting in bed with no technology distractions to have deep conversations, asking fun questions, praying together, or having sexy-time. It can be going out for dinner at a restaurant, getting a cocktail at happy hour, going for a walk around the neighborhood, playing a board game, going dancing, or going to a movie theater.
The rule of thumb is to make your date night a priority, not allow distractions (like phones), and not talk about the kids (or work, if you don't have kids).
You should never stop learning about your spouse. Believe it or not, even if you've been married 25+ years, there's still much growing to do in marriage. Once you get married, you work towards getting a Bachelor's degree on your spouse. Then once you achieve that, you work towards a Master's. Then a Doctorate. Never stop learning and growing with your spouse.
Listen, no marriage is perfect. EVERY marriage has their own unique quirks, things they argue about, and things each person can't stand about the other. And regardless of what your preconceptions are about counseling, the reality is it can be an extremely helpful tool for marriages to hash out problems and get back on its feet to a healthy relationship.
If you have a rocky marriage but think counseling (or some kind of professional marriage help) isn't necessary, it's time for a gut check - you may have a pride issue that's getting in the way of your marriage. If you're offended by that statement, it's safe to say this pride issue has just been confirmed.
If your spouse is struggling and requests marriage counseling, don't deny them of that. Denying them of their "need" for counseling can have a negative impact on their trust and respect in your relationship. And essentially it'll feel like you're completely blowing off their mental and emotional needs.
It doesn't matter why your marriage is struggling or if there's any "real issue" that is causing tension. Counseling is a judgement-free zone and is designed to help marriage issues of all shapes and sizes. Do you really think your marriage will get back to "normal" naturally over time? Hate to break it to ya, but this mindset can be dangerous, allow your marriage to spiral downwards to rock bottom, and cause further unnecessary pain if you ignore the ongoing issues that you can't seem to resolve. Ignoring ongoing issues is like putting a bandaid on the problem - it won't cure or heal it back to normal, and sooner than later that bandaid will come off and the wound will still be raw. Don't cover up the issues - fix them.
Regardless if engaged couples are told that marriage isn't easy, deep down most couples truly believe that it will be easy and they'll have a perfect marriage. Boy, are they in for a rude awakening! Marriage can be difficult for multiple reasons. First, men and women are created uniquely from each other, so we tend to perceive and react to things very differently. Second, marriage is the union of two sinful, imperfect human beings with different backgrounds, upbringings, preferences, likes and dislikes, and even beliefs or values - these all contribute to making marriage a not-so-easy chapter in one's life. So for these reasons, seeing eye-to-eye on everything is near impossible and conflict is a guarantee in every marriage. If you don't have a solid support group helping you on a regular basis to talk through marital problems with honesty and wisdom, this is where counseling can really come into play.
It's important for you to get an unbiased opinion, someone who has the best interest of your marriage in mind, someone who has the qualifications or experiential wisdom to help guide you, and someone who has met with couples going through the similar issues. That's why counseling can be a great option for you to repair your marriage, find a common ground and understanding in issues, and work towards making your marriage stronger than ever.
If you don't have the funds or insurance coverage to help with expenses of hiring a professional counselor, there are other mentors you can meet with to help guide you through any marital issues. Consider your pastor or a staff counselor at the church. Meet up with one or two older couples (who have been married a long time and have a healthy marriage) on a weekly basis. Go to a marriage conference or class series that is designed to strengthen and restore marriages.
In daily life as individuals, we know it's important not to compare ourselves to others (even when it may be a difficult task) and the emotional, mental, and physical consequences of comparison. In marriage, this also rings true.
Couples struggle with different things and in different ways. Conflict resolution strategies might work for one couple but may not work for another. How you show love and (fill in the blank) for each other may look different than another couple. Rules you set in your marriage are unique to what works best for you that represent mutual respect and commitment. Communication styles may look different. Frequency of sex and intimacy may look different. The list goes on.
You can't compare your relationship to another relationship because of the unique ways each of us communicate, love, dispute, interact and show feelings with our loved one.
The same goes for marriage advice.
Take advice you get from other couples with a grain of salt (even mentors or counselors). Their advice is meant to be given to you with their wise and loving intentions, but ultimately you have to decide what works best for your marriage's needs. You can (and should) certainly try out the tactics and tips given to you by others, but don't rely on those to be the end-all-be-all of making your marriage successful. If those don't work, try something else. Never give up. Keep working and get creative to find solutions that are most meaningful, impactful and beneficial to your unique relationship with your spouse.
Whether you're in public at a store, with a group of friends, with family, or talking amongst your coworkers, never talk down to your spouse or talk bad about your spouse to others.
It's important to be a supportive, encouraging, kind and loving spouse to build up your marriage - or else the opposite effect can happen (tearing your marriage down). Your spouse isn't perfect and neither are you. But don't talk bad about them to others for the sake of venting (especially with your immediate family) or it could damage their view of your spouse along with it, which is unhealthy for marriage flourishing. Talking down to your spouse in public or in front of others is equally (if not more) damaging. Criticizing them, making fun of them (in a non-loving way), yelling at them, cussing at them, or any other form of discouragement and disrespect will cause tension in a marriage.
If there are serious issues that you are facing in your marriage, you can certainly talk to your friends and mentors about it to get advice for helping your marriage succeed (or take necessary steps to remove yourself if you are in danger).
But the point is to focus on building your spouse up through words of affirmation, words of encouragement, words of kindness, words to boost their confidence, and words of love and grace.
A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Grace and love are so important in any marriage because we know there will be countless times when we need to ask for it or need to give it.
For those who struggle with pride and stubbornness, it can be a detrimental thing to hold back forgiveness or refuse to say "I'm sorry" (truly meaning it) and asking for forgiveness. It will cause many issues in your marriage if you don't humble yourself to be a good forgiver or to be the first to ask for forgiveness.
As Christians, we know the invaluable, priceless fact that we have been forgiven not because of what we did or who we are, but because of who God is and His perfect love for us. We did absolutely nothing to deserve His grace and mercy, yet He extended it to us anyway (despite us) to join His eternal family as adopted sons and daughters. Because of His love and grace (forgiveness) through Jesus, we have been made right with Him so that we will be heirs of His kingdom for eternity after this short, worldly life. Even knowing we would fail Him (and fail Him often) through sin, He saved us anyway. Because that kind of love and grace has been extended to us, He commands us to do the same for others. So for our spouse, we must never hold back forgiveness and grace from their wrongdoings.
Some wrongdoings that break your covenant vows may be worthy of divorce if you are unable to get through it (specifically infidelity). But while forgiveness is still required of us, it doesn't mean we have to sweep their sins against us under the rug and pretend like it doesn't matter. Sin matters a hell of a lot to God (literally), but as much as He hates sin, He LOVES us and chooses to forgive those who follow Him. Extending forgiveness isn't an option (and you must forgive fully in your heart), but acceptance of the sin isn't an option either. Even though God forgives us for all our sins against Him, we are still required to ask for that forgiveness - it represents an acknowledgement of our sin, confessing it to the one we wronged, and genuinely asking for forgiveness and mercy. This is true repentance. Repentance literally means to "turn around" or make a U-turn from where you are heading. When you ask for forgiveness, your heart reveals the true motive - are you just sorry you got caught sinning, or are you truly sorry about your brokenness and desire real change?
Marriage was designed to be a direct reflection of God's perfect covenant vow to us that binds us with Him for eternity, no matter what. But human marriage is imperfect and flawed, so we strive everyday to reflect Jesus in our daily lives to reach the fullness of marital bliss. Forgiveness, love, and grace are foundational for a marriage as it is with our relationship with God.
Your marriage represents much more than personal happiness and satisfaction - in fact, marriage never guarantees it. Marriage was designed by God to develop your character, your patience, your ability to love others despite differences, your wisdom, and much more. As Christians, we remember that marriage is meant to make us holy (godly), not happy. But happiness and sex and excitement and passion are all good gifts from God that we can enjoy in marriage - it's just not the main purpose of it.
When you get out of the mindset that marriage is meant to cater to YOUR needs (and instead you choose to be selfless in your acts of love toward your partner), your marriage can be totally transformed.
In moments of disputes, you have to remind yourself that it's not about winning - it's about loving. Who cares if you lose an argument (no matter how right you think you are)? Being "right" isn't worth causing tension in your marriage because of pride and selfishness.
Find out what your spouse's love language is and make it an important factor in loving selflessly in your marriage. Do they enjoy getting gifts as a love language? Surprise them with small treats and thoughtful gifts every once in awhile. Do they hate doing the dishes after they cook? Offer to help out often. Do they love spooning in bed before falling asleep? Make sure you do that often.
Too often, a couple focuses all their love, energy, devotion, and relationship efforts on their jobs or on their children. Take notice of the emphasized word "all." Making these things a high priority is not a bad thing, so hear me out.
For those who focus on their jobs as top priority, they tend to work longer hours, take calls throughout the evening and even on vacation, travel too much - all which can negatively impact a marriage as it makes the spouse feel alone and unimportant.
For those with kids, focusing on them as the top priority throughout their marriage tends to reveal itself as a big issue once they become empty nesters. They are suddenly without kids in the house and forgot what it was like to have their marriage as the main focus. When this happens, they may realize they don't really know their spouses very well anymore, they become bored with each other, or issues start to rekindle that they never hashed out earlier on in their marriage. In my opinion, these are the biggest reasons why divorce rates are so high when couples become empty nesters.
At the beginning of your marriage, establish healthy habits that you will continue to prioritize even after you start a family. This plays into the "dating your spouse" advice. Do whatever you need to do to build your marriage on a strong foundation that will last for a lifetime - after becoming empty nesters, when tragedy and death visit someone you love, with financial or job stressors, and so on.
This isn't to say your children or jobs aren't important. But your marriage shouldn't be put on the back burner to focus on those things instead.
There's a popular Christian motto saying, "The couple who prays together stays together." This motto is not saying, "If you don't pray together, you'll get divorced." Instead, it's saying, "The closer you get to God, the closer you'll get to each other."
This was what my husband and I chose for the unity symbol at our wedding. The image represents a triangle, with God at the top point and the wife and husband at the bottom points. We mixed two colors of paint and painted within the triangle shape to represent the unity. The idea is that your focus should be on growing closer to God in your personal relationship with Him, and in turn, it will naturally trickle down into building a stronger marriage with your spouse, allowing your relationship with them to grow closer as the result.
And remember, sex won't always be "hot" or passionate. Don't put the pressure on yourself or your spouse of needing to be sexy all the time, or that sex should always be super enjoyable. Sometimes it's just necessary. But keeping it a regular routine (even when you're not in the mood) will have lasting, positive effects on your marriage.
If you have a super busy life and juggling multiple young children, you can schedule your sex! That may sound weird at first but that's how much of a priority this is to your marriage. If you have to schedule your sexy-time during your weekly date night, do that. Whatever works best for your marriage and your schedule, make it a priority.
3. Date your spouse regularly.
As I mentioned earlier, it's important to continue dating your spouse. You shouldn't stop "dating" each other just because you got married.
If you don't have children yet, establish healthy marriage habits early on so it's easier to keep those habits once you decide to build your family. If you already have children, set aside one evening each week (even if it's just an hour) to spend quality time focusing on each other.
The first thing you need to do is determine how much time you can set aside for a "date" each week. Then schedule it (yes, actually put it in your calendar!) and make it a priority to keep it in your weekly routine. Biweekly date nights are good too if your lives and jobs are super busy. If something important comes up on a date night, reschedule it for later that week. Just don't skip it, if possible!
Date nights (or days) can look different for every couple. It can be sitting in bed with no technology distractions to have deep conversations, asking fun questions, praying together, or having sexy-time. It can be going out for dinner at a restaurant, getting a cocktail at happy hour, going for a walk around the neighborhood, playing a board game, going dancing, or going to a movie theater.
The rule of thumb is to make your date night a priority, not allow distractions (like phones), and not talk about the kids (or work, if you don't have kids).
You should never stop learning about your spouse. Believe it or not, even if you've been married 25+ years, there's still much growing to do in marriage. Once you get married, you work towards getting a Bachelor's degree on your spouse. Then once you achieve that, you work towards a Master's. Then a Doctorate. Never stop learning and growing with your spouse.
4. Don't be afraid to seek counseling.
Listen, no marriage is perfect. EVERY marriage has their own unique quirks, things they argue about, and things each person can't stand about the other. And regardless of what your preconceptions are about counseling, the reality is it can be an extremely helpful tool for marriages to hash out problems and get back on its feet to a healthy relationship.
If you have a rocky marriage but think counseling (or some kind of professional marriage help) isn't necessary, it's time for a gut check - you may have a pride issue that's getting in the way of your marriage. If you're offended by that statement, it's safe to say this pride issue has just been confirmed.
If your spouse is struggling and requests marriage counseling, don't deny them of that. Denying them of their "need" for counseling can have a negative impact on their trust and respect in your relationship. And essentially it'll feel like you're completely blowing off their mental and emotional needs.
It doesn't matter why your marriage is struggling or if there's any "real issue" that is causing tension. Counseling is a judgement-free zone and is designed to help marriage issues of all shapes and sizes. Do you really think your marriage will get back to "normal" naturally over time? Hate to break it to ya, but this mindset can be dangerous, allow your marriage to spiral downwards to rock bottom, and cause further unnecessary pain if you ignore the ongoing issues that you can't seem to resolve. Ignoring ongoing issues is like putting a bandaid on the problem - it won't cure or heal it back to normal, and sooner than later that bandaid will come off and the wound will still be raw. Don't cover up the issues - fix them.
Regardless if engaged couples are told that marriage isn't easy, deep down most couples truly believe that it will be easy and they'll have a perfect marriage. Boy, are they in for a rude awakening! Marriage can be difficult for multiple reasons. First, men and women are created uniquely from each other, so we tend to perceive and react to things very differently. Second, marriage is the union of two sinful, imperfect human beings with different backgrounds, upbringings, preferences, likes and dislikes, and even beliefs or values - these all contribute to making marriage a not-so-easy chapter in one's life. So for these reasons, seeing eye-to-eye on everything is near impossible and conflict is a guarantee in every marriage. If you don't have a solid support group helping you on a regular basis to talk through marital problems with honesty and wisdom, this is where counseling can really come into play.
It's important for you to get an unbiased opinion, someone who has the best interest of your marriage in mind, someone who has the qualifications or experiential wisdom to help guide you, and someone who has met with couples going through the similar issues. That's why counseling can be a great option for you to repair your marriage, find a common ground and understanding in issues, and work towards making your marriage stronger than ever.
If you don't have the funds or insurance coverage to help with expenses of hiring a professional counselor, there are other mentors you can meet with to help guide you through any marital issues. Consider your pastor or a staff counselor at the church. Meet up with one or two older couples (who have been married a long time and have a healthy marriage) on a weekly basis. Go to a marriage conference or class series that is designed to strengthen and restore marriages.
5. Comparison is the root of unhappiness.
In daily life as individuals, we know it's important not to compare ourselves to others (even when it may be a difficult task) and the emotional, mental, and physical consequences of comparison. In marriage, this also rings true.
The main thing I want to cover is comparing your marriage to other marriages. As I stated previously, every couple is made up of two unique human beings with different backgrounds, upbringings, preferences, likes and dislikes, and even beliefs or values. So it's important to keep this in mind when you feel tempted to compare your marriage with another.
Couples struggle with different things and in different ways. Conflict resolution strategies might work for one couple but may not work for another. How you show love and (fill in the blank) for each other may look different than another couple. Rules you set in your marriage are unique to what works best for you that represent mutual respect and commitment. Communication styles may look different. Frequency of sex and intimacy may look different. The list goes on.
You can't compare your relationship to another relationship because of the unique ways each of us communicate, love, dispute, interact and show feelings with our loved one.
The same goes for marriage advice.
Take advice you get from other couples with a grain of salt (even mentors or counselors). Their advice is meant to be given to you with their wise and loving intentions, but ultimately you have to decide what works best for your marriage's needs. You can (and should) certainly try out the tactics and tips given to you by others, but don't rely on those to be the end-all-be-all of making your marriage successful. If those don't work, try something else. Never give up. Keep working and get creative to find solutions that are most meaningful, impactful and beneficial to your unique relationship with your spouse.
6. Always talk highly of your spouse.
Whether you're in public at a store, with a group of friends, with family, or talking amongst your coworkers, never talk down to your spouse or talk bad about your spouse to others.
It's important to be a supportive, encouraging, kind and loving spouse to build up your marriage - or else the opposite effect can happen (tearing your marriage down). Your spouse isn't perfect and neither are you. But don't talk bad about them to others for the sake of venting (especially with your immediate family) or it could damage their view of your spouse along with it, which is unhealthy for marriage flourishing. Talking down to your spouse in public or in front of others is equally (if not more) damaging. Criticizing them, making fun of them (in a non-loving way), yelling at them, cussing at them, or any other form of discouragement and disrespect will cause tension in a marriage.
If there are serious issues that you are facing in your marriage, you can certainly talk to your friends and mentors about it to get advice for helping your marriage succeed (or take necessary steps to remove yourself if you are in danger).
But the point is to focus on building your spouse up through words of affirmation, words of encouragement, words of kindness, words to boost their confidence, and words of love and grace.
7. Be quick to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Grace and love are so important in any marriage because we know there will be countless times when we need to ask for it or need to give it.
For those who struggle with pride and stubbornness, it can be a detrimental thing to hold back forgiveness or refuse to say "I'm sorry" (truly meaning it) and asking for forgiveness. It will cause many issues in your marriage if you don't humble yourself to be a good forgiver or to be the first to ask for forgiveness.
As Christians, we know the invaluable, priceless fact that we have been forgiven not because of what we did or who we are, but because of who God is and His perfect love for us. We did absolutely nothing to deserve His grace and mercy, yet He extended it to us anyway (despite us) to join His eternal family as adopted sons and daughters. Because of His love and grace (forgiveness) through Jesus, we have been made right with Him so that we will be heirs of His kingdom for eternity after this short, worldly life. Even knowing we would fail Him (and fail Him often) through sin, He saved us anyway. Because that kind of love and grace has been extended to us, He commands us to do the same for others. So for our spouse, we must never hold back forgiveness and grace from their wrongdoings.
Some wrongdoings that break your covenant vows may be worthy of divorce if you are unable to get through it (specifically infidelity). But while forgiveness is still required of us, it doesn't mean we have to sweep their sins against us under the rug and pretend like it doesn't matter. Sin matters a hell of a lot to God (literally), but as much as He hates sin, He LOVES us and chooses to forgive those who follow Him. Extending forgiveness isn't an option (and you must forgive fully in your heart), but acceptance of the sin isn't an option either. Even though God forgives us for all our sins against Him, we are still required to ask for that forgiveness - it represents an acknowledgement of our sin, confessing it to the one we wronged, and genuinely asking for forgiveness and mercy. This is true repentance. Repentance literally means to "turn around" or make a U-turn from where you are heading. When you ask for forgiveness, your heart reveals the true motive - are you just sorry you got caught sinning, or are you truly sorry about your brokenness and desire real change?
Marriage was designed to be a direct reflection of God's perfect covenant vow to us that binds us with Him for eternity, no matter what. But human marriage is imperfect and flawed, so we strive everyday to reflect Jesus in our daily lives to reach the fullness of marital bliss. Forgiveness, love, and grace are foundational for a marriage as it is with our relationship with God.
8. Marriage isn't about you.
When you get out of the mindset that marriage is meant to cater to YOUR needs (and instead you choose to be selfless in your acts of love toward your partner), your marriage can be totally transformed.
In moments of disputes, you have to remind yourself that it's not about winning - it's about loving. Who cares if you lose an argument (no matter how right you think you are)? Being "right" isn't worth causing tension in your marriage because of pride and selfishness.
Find out what your spouse's love language is and make it an important factor in loving selflessly in your marriage. Do they enjoy getting gifts as a love language? Surprise them with small treats and thoughtful gifts every once in awhile. Do they hate doing the dishes after they cook? Offer to help out often. Do they love spooning in bed before falling asleep? Make sure you do that often.
9. Prioritize your marriage.
For those who focus on their jobs as top priority, they tend to work longer hours, take calls throughout the evening and even on vacation, travel too much - all which can negatively impact a marriage as it makes the spouse feel alone and unimportant.
For those with kids, focusing on them as the top priority throughout their marriage tends to reveal itself as a big issue once they become empty nesters. They are suddenly without kids in the house and forgot what it was like to have their marriage as the main focus. When this happens, they may realize they don't really know their spouses very well anymore, they become bored with each other, or issues start to rekindle that they never hashed out earlier on in their marriage. In my opinion, these are the biggest reasons why divorce rates are so high when couples become empty nesters.
At the beginning of your marriage, establish healthy habits that you will continue to prioritize even after you start a family. This plays into the "dating your spouse" advice. Do whatever you need to do to build your marriage on a strong foundation that will last for a lifetime - after becoming empty nesters, when tragedy and death visit someone you love, with financial or job stressors, and so on.
This isn't to say your children or jobs aren't important. But your marriage shouldn't be put on the back burner to focus on those things instead.
10. The closer you get to God, the closer you'll get to each other.
There's a popular Christian motto saying, "The couple who prays together stays together." This motto is not saying, "If you don't pray together, you'll get divorced." Instead, it's saying, "The closer you get to God, the closer you'll get to each other."
This was what my husband and I chose for the unity symbol at our wedding. The image represents a triangle, with God at the top point and the wife and husband at the bottom points. We mixed two colors of paint and painted within the triangle shape to represent the unity. The idea is that your focus should be on growing closer to God in your personal relationship with Him, and in turn, it will naturally trickle down into building a stronger marriage with your spouse, allowing your relationship with them to grow closer as the result.